So I humor you. Yes, I'm back in town. Yes, I have this internship at such-and-such a place. Yes, everything's going great. I give you that smile that says "I'm done now," but you want to linger around and continue this awkward exchange. You stare at me with a forced smile, waiting for something to happen. Then you tell me that if I ever want to "hang-out" that I should call you. Right, because we had such a great time, that ONE time where I didn't call/email/text you back, that I would keep your number around, just in case.Before we ever hung out, I thought that we would have a fun time, sex or not. We had a lot of things in common and I was eager to talk to someone and throw some ideas around. When I get to your apartment you are in the process of preparing a beautiful meal for us. Wow, this is sort of "fast" for being a first date. So I try to start the conversation. It's a little slow, but that's OK, maybe you're shy. An hour later, I am still pulling teeth. I am really interested in hearing more about your experiences and having a real dialog. I know you're smart. Come be smart with me. The whole evening has felt like a waste of time until I'm about to leave and for some reason start to make-out with you. I think I was just bored and, well, you were there. It wasn't that great of a kiss for me or anything, but all of a sudden you tell me that I'm really hot. You then proceed to pull me into your bedroom and tell me all the things you like to have done to you since you're a S/M bottom and I'm an S/M top. After about 15 minutes of detailed instructions I say goodnight and catch the 33 back home.
As I mull over the really weird and disjointed experience we just had, I realize that I don't like you. I really don't like you. You aren't interested in me or what I have to say. You just want me to top you. I do
not do casual S/M hook-ups as they require a lot of time and planning and if I am not invested in you (or you are not inve$ted in me), it's not going to happen. Making a scene is like planning a surprise birthday party, like a really elaborate surprise birthday party complete with a treasure hunt, costumes, and a pinata made in the shape of your ass, and I don't give surprise birthday parties to bad dates. Besides which, I was having a rough time in my current relationship and didn't have much energy for a person like you. So I didn't call. At all. I didn't even send you a Myspace message to say, "Sorry that I never called but I think it's best for us not to fuck." Nothing. Nada.A year later I see you in public and somehow you think that I want to call you, now, a year after a really bad date. You disappear, I'm grateful, and then today you show up again. WTF. "Oh hi, so nice to see you again. Small talk, small talk, small talk..." I give clear signals that it's a good time for the conversation to end and you suggest that if I'm interested that you have free tickets to film festival movies and we could go together. I say "OK, thanks" with clearly no intention of actually taking you up on your offer. In retrospect, it might actually not be such a bad idea. The only thing I would be OK with doing with you is sitting in the dark and not talking while surrounded by a bunch of strangers. But regardless, I would rather have to experience you from across a room than in a movie theater sharing an arm rest.
In sum, it's OK that we're in the same city for this short period of time and that we will inevitably see each other. I don't ask that you ignore me or pretend that we didn't have a date that amounted in nothing. We can just say "hi," wave, and then go back to our respective tasks and/or friends. However, if you still ask me to hang-out, I have exhausted my polite, minimally-responsive answers and you will get a "no." A "no" with a smile, but a clear "no." Go bark up somebody else's tree, dude. This tree is too busy being fabulous and writing heartfelt postcards to her Bear.
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